Why I hate blogs… And bloggers…

I’m sure this immediately puts a noose around my neck in the blogging community, perhaps my posts will soon be drawn and quartered by blogger far more talented than I with significantly more followers. Or maybe I will be locked away in the Iron Maiden, never to be seen again in the blogging community. I have a feeling though I am so inconsequential that it will not matter even a little that I hate both blogging and bloggers.

I used to believe there were three appropriate reasons to blog, three requirements that must be satisfied in order to even consider blogging…

1. You must be hilarious – And not just because your mom says so. Most blogs are completely boring. I have read very few blogs where people are actually funny, though many where they are clearly trying to be but miserably failing, not that I am passing with flying colors right now. I am clearly not hilarious, so CHECK ONE of not becoming a blogger.

2. You must be an expert – Not just someone with a degree. I believe you should have both the degree AND the experience as foundational to blog writing. Too many bored housewives (and maybe a little desperate too) begin a blog about something they know very little about just because they think they had a good idea one day. Or the morbidly obese man or woman suddenly believes they are a “food critic,” or the person whose outfit gets commented on by their friends suddenly believe they are “fashionable.” In reality it was a terrible idea that should have been placed in the laundry like the clothes they should be doing, they’re bored, why not run a load of laundry? Or make me a sandwich perhaps… Degrees in America mean next to nothing in a lot of cases because anyone can get them. So degrees AND experience are required in order to begin writing a blog. CHECK TWO for not starting a blog.

3. There must be a need – How many blogs are there on being a mommy that completely suck? I am actually asking, I have no idea and I’m not about to Google it. How many blogs on religion or politics from people ready to simply rant or complain. I have seen blogs from friends who think they have something interesting to say and who think they know a lot about a topic and within months of receiving a single comment from a family member who pities them, their blog has been sucked into the internet abyss but without the cool little jelly-fish-like aliens who live at the bottom of the internet Challenger Deep. CHECK THREE for not starting a blog.

Whelp…  There it is…  Or Whoop there it is rather…

After much deliberation it is clear I should not start a blog. Unless…  There is another reason… Maybe there is a way around these three requirements that still allows me to maintain some self-respect?

Reason #4 – Some kind of trauma or life event that immediately and uniquely qualifies you to talk about a topic or inspire others. For THIS reason, and this reason alone I have decided to begin writing, in hopes to help struggling people or those who wish to be warned. If my stupidity, arrogance, and ignorance can in some way help someone else become a better husband or friend or person, then I am happy to look like a pretentious jerk just to maybe help. There are innumerable people who are far more qualified and hilarious than I am who are much more capable of writing a blog that is riveting and laugh out loud funny.

If you are looking for something hilarious, you should probably avoid my future posts. If you are looking for something amazing, you should probably also avoid frequenting here. In fact if you are looking for anything even remotely entertaining, please refer to “Surprise Kitty,” on YouTube. But if you’re looking to be helped a little with what you’re going through and somehow you resonate with what I am saying, I hope I can.


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