The warning signs were there. I couldn’t keep trampling her heart and expect her to always be there. The rhetoric was there but I shouldn’t have expected the heart to be. I couldn’t keep leaving the country or turning her down or not returning her texts and expect her to always be around. I did mind you, but I shouldn’t have.
I was the blind man. The one who cried out to Jesus and asked him for His healing hand. I was the man who listened intently as the Savior bent down, confused but hopeful, hearing him spit and hearing the grinding of the sand and the pebbles together as He did something down on the ground. I asked him to see. I asked him to heal me. And He responded the way He knows how, by performing a miracle for someone so inconsequential that I don’t even deserve the spit from a God whose very breath births universes.
And if His breath gives life to the void, imagine what His spit could do. Imagine if you could bottle up the spit of God and sell it for it’s healing properties. Charcoal? Coconut oil? Useless compared to the spit of the God of the universe. And He was using this mouthful on me.
He already knew that I would come. He knew I would reach out and ask Him for sight. He knew I had been blind and wanted to see. He felt the longing in my heart. He felt the desire in my soul. Not just for vision mind you, but for the touch of a Savior. And He did.
He mixed together something that only someone like me could even think about taking. Would I have cared if he peed on the ground and mixed it with dirt? Not at all. I wanted to see and I would have done anything, ANYTHING to gain my sight. And so He gave me His spit. Which was truly humbling if not a little gross. But who was I to refuse the spittle of the King of Glory?
Nobody. I was and am nobody.
But I thought I was somebody. My story did not end like my brothers in the Bible. I was the prideful blind man. I was the arrogant man who gained sight and then wasted it. I was given His gift but let it go. He spit in my eyes and opened them to all things, but like Adam and Eve once my eyes were open I became deceived. I thought myself to be more than I was rather than just the spit-faced blind man who was only anything because the Savior decided to touch me one day.
I was given sight. I was given His heart. He condescended to dwell in me. And I let it all go.
And now, I’m blind again. He gave me a wife and I wasted it. A decade of being with her. A decade of making memories together. A decade of pictures and kisses and hugs and embraces and movies and shows and dinners and games and love. A decade of Him revealing Himself to me through her and now, I took the blindfold and put it back on. I was comfortable in the sin and that’s what I went back to. I exchanged the glory of God for the temporary of man. And now I am divorced. Today is my last day as a married man. And I’m not sure I ever want marriage again. But what I am sure is that I was blind, then I saw, and then I let pride and arrogance blind me again to the miracles He performed in my life. Don’t let this be you.